Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Is there any secret here?

This is gonna to be a boring blog, so I advise you not to read it.

Last time, I started a blog on diary-x. Only a handful of people knew it. And I could talk nonsense there. I assume only a few faithful of your know it. I could swear, I could criticise, and I could fuck you.

Then, one day, one fellow crept in whom I dun really want her to read my blog... that's why I chose to close it. It made me feel so intimidated to write anything so liberally there. You blogger should know. For me, blog is for you to write whatever, see, whatever u wanna talk about. But very often, the problem with us is, we often succumb to the pressure of our dear readers. We will try to please them by posting something which they love to read, which they will laugh off their ass to soothe their burnt cheebye after a tiring day.

Or, some bloggers will try to make their blog so commercialised. It's not that I find the grape sour, but that defeat my purpose of blogging... you have your choice, and I have mine too. For me, even if my blog could only attract 10 readers daily, it is enough. Cos, the ultimate reader is me. I write for myself, about me, and about my life. It is just as my little diary.

Now, something crept into my blog. I realise that I no longer write for myself. YL commented that my blog no longer interesting, because I kept whining here. Yah... this is my life. Then... the omen is, I started to keep a secret within my little diary. Ask you, will you keep a secret inside your own diary? You won't. So, why am I talking about the little secret I had with Sherry, which I could not write it out here. Why am I talking about Princess, whom Sherry know about months ago... whom I din wan to reveal here. By the way, Stef also knows who is this princess (it is too risky to tell). Why? Because i no longer treat this blog as my personal diary. I have regarded it more as my entertainment.

Stef told me, she is reluctant to start a blog, because people will start to scrutinise her and understand her thinking. Well, partly, it is true. That's why I am feeling so lost now. Should I succumb to my readers, or should I just be myself here? Can I write without fear and favour? Can I truly write my true feeling here?

Sherry commented that I mentioned so many gers in my blog. Well, that's all just my friends and cousins. Nothing else. The only person I miss so much is Stef.

And Sherry, thank you, for your "reminder", and your support. You have gone through many episodes of my life with me, and, you are still here. Just sms me, when you are feeling sad, I will be here.

becks 12:09 AM

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