The side of me you probably won't see again, too.

* You are not allowed to read this entry if you know me personally cos it's kinda personal, if you did read it then keep quiet and dun ask me again*

I am quite down recently, and Skyler's blog is so disturbing that I really want to write something. Sorry Skyler I am so shameless to link you here.

Do you just disgust yourself? Sometimes I despise myself. I can't remember on which blog I mentioned that. But "despise myself" was the first phrase I coined. I also really think of this question, if I died, will ANYONE cry for me? I think and think, yeah maybe my mum, my deary sis, leelee (or will u just sigh?), Sherry (you should), SJ (you probably will laugh), loon (? you have no emotion)... this is not a joke blog but seriously that's all I can think of.

My dogs wont cry for me too, cos I have been mistreating them for so long.

And Skyler, pls dun go suicide. Cos you were just breaking up, but me not even began.

I am so glad you wouldn't do it. It's not worth you know. I know you hate Asian guys, but... plenty of white guys around too.

He told you to wait. But she didn't, even though I wanted to. He hung up on you, that's great too. At least I dun even manage to call her now. Sometimes maybe I could just wait and see if she is online, but very often she was too busy with her works. She didn't lie, but I cheat myself.

And, Skyler, you deserve a better life. You have a great personality and you have a bright future ahead. But I don't deserve for anything now. I am just a lonely old man who did nothing but whine and fret for nothing cos for missing a only someone. Please don't tell me you have no life, look at me Skyler.

You (Skyler) make me feeling so sad.

I can only tell you, my life has gone through a period of MONOTONOUS to COLORFUL to MONOTONOUS again. I am not handsome of cos, and definitely not rich, not humorous enough, dead bored, alcoholic, stupid, a simple damn Asian guy. And it was a gift I knew her, and that meant I should whine now?

I am not weak at all, unlike you... while typing this, I am also talking to her, look how brave I am

She says: icic
She says: well
She says: i think getting into more constructive stuffs like learning new thins are btter
Daniel says: i miss u too
Daniel says: feeling is feeling...
She says: well
She says: its a way to feel better
She says: its no point harping on thins
She says: coz it will only make u feel worse
Daniel says: hmm true also

* content was moderated*

You are so fortunate, at least he will email you. And yes, life has to move on. MANY people told me. But again I said, feeling is feeling, pls dun make me sound like a big ass fool again.

This is what June told me -

by the end of the day.. u do feel happier.. instead of feeling stupid for feeling so hurt and sad
im just telling u the things based on my own experiences

well.. just look fwd to happier days
life still has a lot of goodness to offer.. and i always believe everything happens for a reason.. and its always for the better

just feel happy that shes living a good and happy life

just remember all the things ive said ya
make good use of them and it will help u

Isn't it great, Skyler?

I am just her 1 of 1000000 friends. And it somehow makes me feel like such stupid and crap. If people don't miss you at all, isn't it you make yourself such a fool?

Actually I am not lovesick, just that I keep missing her and it makes me look so stupid.

But things gonna end.